Here’s my story, what I used to triple my income, improve relationships and change the trajectory of my life. But first, I had to…
I came into this world perfect, whole and complete. I was pure JOY.
I remember a day when I was 4 years old.
It was my birthday, and I was gazing up at the camera. You could see it on my face – what could only be described as pure BLISS.
It felt amazing. I felt amazing! Not just because it was my birthday, but because that is how I always felt.
When I look back, I realized I came into this world as a joyful child. I was intuitive, and I played with angels. My parents loved to call them my “invisible friends.” But my 4th birthday is one of the last times I truly remember feeling this good.
My bliss and joy were fading.
The worries and concerns of my parents were becoming my own.
It felt like I had no control over it. I couldn’t stop absorbing the energy of what was happening around me. My parents were worried, so I was too.
I stopped daydreaming, laying in the grass, staring up at the clouds and creating shapes in my mind.
My carefree days were over – I had real life problems now, having enough money, paying bills and listening to my parents fight.
And then Life happened.
In 8th grade my parents divorced. It shook me to the core. It uprooted me. I knew from then on that I couldn’t count on anyone. If your own dad leaves your family – then who can you count on?
I felt somehow different, no longer whole. Divorce wasn’t normal then. I was an oddity. I didn’t feel accepted anymore. I felt broken, unworthy.
The divorce left my mom scared and alone. She worked 12 hr days to make sure we had what we needed, but there was never anything left over for her. She was drained, empty, but she didn’t know any other way. It was a dark time. She used to comfort herself by saying:
“One day my ship will come in and it will be a row boat and I’ll be rowing it”
I heard and felt this so much from her that I thought I had to shrink my dreams.
…Couldn’t fit the big ones I had inside that damned row boat.
All I could see was my mom working painfully hard to get by.
But I knew there had to be a different way, a better way – because this crap just sucked.
There’s no way this was for me.
And so even though I’d learned to worry and make life painful like her, I started to think “are you kidding me??? A frickin ROW boat…with ores…WHAT???? That’s the boat you want to rescue you? No way in hell I’m getting in that! No way! How about a cruise ship, with a crew, a pool, and someone to feed us grapes?” (its no wonder that today – I absolutely love cruising)
The very thing that had once crushed my dreams became the thing that lit my entrepreneurial fire.
I just didn’t know that fire would burn me to the ground eventually (more on that later).
She could have her damn row boat but I was going to have a cruise ship, and I’d do whatever it took to make that happen.
I wasn’t going to be a victim of the middle class mindset, the work hard for money syndrome that I saw everywhere.
My mom did the best she could. I appreciated that she taught me that I could do anything I put my mind to, but little did she know the entrepreneur that was born from her wise words.
Like all good entrepreneurs, the first thing I did was push back! But really I was escaping into a false reality of being carefree. I did anything to distract me from the pain of feeling so isolated and alone, so tired of hearing how hard and small life was.
In high school, I was social, a cheerleader, ran track, had a lot of friends and got average grades. School was an adventure and a place to let go of all that stress around fitting my entire life into a damned row boat.
I didn’t know I was just kicking the can down the road.
I didn’t know it was about to bite me in the ass.
Playing carefree was fun while it lasted, but it caught up with me at graduation. The guilt was overwhelming – I’d wasted 4 years of free education but learned nothing, achieved nothing, and saved up almost no money! I wanted to go to college, and that meant I was going to have to pay for it myself.
I was back to worrying and knowing that the future was always going to be hard.
I decided, “I’m never going to waste time again,” and I got SERIOUS! – there wasn’t time for fun. There never had been. I’d just been deluding myself.
Paying my way through college meant I worked 3-4 jobs in the summer and one all year round. There was never any free time and even if there had been, I couldn’t connect with anyone anyway. I was judging them for either having it easy or not taking whatever they were up to seriously enough. There was no winning with me. And I was losing with myself too.
- In school I was pre-med, got straight A’s, and all this pushing myself to the next “bigger, better, more” left me so exhausted.
- Running myself into the ground with 18 hr days and no breaks. I worked hard and kicked ass at it. I was getting results. Except, I was a ticking time bomb.
- I remember coming home one day and my roommate had just beaten me to our one and only parking spot. She stuck her tongue out at me playfully, but I was so stressed out and overwhelmed it set me off. I ran inside, ran up the stairs to my room. I had to discharge this “Crazy” energy before I blew up on her. I threw open my closet doors and tossed shoes over my shoulder until I came across the golden pair –my running shoes! Putting them on, I headed out the door without saying a word to her and ran to try to silence what was going on in me. It worked. It finally stopped, but it took more than an hour, and I knew it would return.
- This kept happening on bigger and bigger scales. I was out for success, but it was never satisfying for long. I remember a time I helped a boyfriend build a successful company. When we broke up, I decided I would start my own company. He told me “you’ll never succeed on your own.” He didn’t get that I’d spent my life proving myself to the world. He gave me exactly what I needed to work the new business to the point where I put him out of business and then sold the company – I never loved the work – I just had to prove him wrong. It was like I didn’t have a choice.
I got sick…a lot. But it was almost a relief. Being sick was the only time I gave myself PERMISSION to take time for me.
I was in my head, disconnected from my body, no time to stop, no time for peace and wondering why life felt so hard. There was no end in sight, so I just worked harder.
I didn’t know what I was working for anymore, but I couldn’t stop.
It all looked good on paper. I had four crazy successful businesses… One of them a real estate company. The first year in, I got sick from all the stress, long hours and lack of boundaries. I operated my business directly like all the top producers and I was successful. But I was also sick, and the worst part was my precious intuition was no longer growing. In fact I was totally disconnected from it. It was a huge wake up call, the universe saying: “stop struggling, there’s a better way.”
REVELATION: I would only get “sick and tired” when I was “sick and tired” of whatever was going on in my life.
It was hard to feel happy, I was depleted all the time, and I was constantly sick. There were times I got so sick, my body just wouldn’t go anymore.
I’d lost touch with my emotions and my body – only listening when it literally stopped working.
I was emotionally numbed out, had no real connections with others and was driving myself to a means with no end…
…rarely allowing myself the luxury of enjoying anything I succeeded in, constantly seeking the next accomplishment, and endlessly losing sleep as I doubted myself.
This had become a way of life.
I began to wonder: When will it ever be enough?
That question shifted something inside me. I knew I couldn’t go on the way I was living, something had to change.
I began an inner journey. I sought out ways to get back in touch with myself: meditation, self exploration, exercise and time in nature. As I spent time exploring what I was feeling instead of pushing it back, I began to open in unbelievable ways.
The more I began to FEEL again – the more intuitive I became. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but I was literally becoming WHOLE, calling back lost parts of myself. My intuition was coming on line in a BIG way. It was strong, like having a giant radar dish on my head picking up the feelings and emotions of everyone near me. I became hyper sensitive; I had moved from no feeling to ALL feeling. I felt everything and everybody and had no idea what was happening.
One day I had a vision of a friend having a fight with her spouse. Wondering why I would make up such a strange daydream, I began to notice that every time I was around her, my moods would shift the most. Huh…what if It’s not me? So, I cornered her one day and told her what I’d seen. She took two steps backward and said – “there is no way you could know that.”
Validation! Oh, thank God, now I was sure I wasn’t crazy – it was some strange gift I was going to have to unwrap and figure out – but I wasn’t crazy! I began to study and learn everything I could about intuition and how to tune my radar dish so it didn’t bother me so much.
I quickly discovered that I had a unique relationship with energy. I understood it, and it seemed to respond to me. It made sense to me. I could read it in others and even ask it to move, shift or alter and it would! No, I wasn’t becoming a Zen Master, I was learning that I was part of a greater whole. I could use this to help people. I was seeing that I could push on life and something would pop out the other side.
I realized this isn’t happening to me. It’s responding to me!
And…I realized I could use this to my advantage in business!
I stepped back and formulated a new way to do business at a high level while staying grounded and connected to myself. Quickly, I embraced structures to support my new vision. This included a few unheard of things within my success circle, like not working after 6pm and never on weekends. It worked! My income tripled. I had more free time and was loving my life. I was in the inner success circle in my industry, hanging with the ‘movers and shakers’ without tying myself into knots. I was playing by My Own Rules. And for the first time since I was 4yrs old, JOY was flowing threw me again.
What was there for me was a clear understanding that joy and success were related to one another- they are interconnected. Joy was at the apex of it all. Slowing down and caring for myself would be my first step in cultivating Joy.
People around me started to notice. In 2014, I received the Human Spirit Award. It was humbling to be one of only 10 recipients and sharing the honor with giants like Mastin Kipp and John Lee Dumas. For 6 years in a row I received the Excellence in Coaching Award from Long and Foster Companies. All that was only possible because I was willing to trust that Joy might be the way to real success.
I’d spent years thinking joy was a luxury if I was going to be successful. Now I got that it was a requirement.
My unique way of creating success garnered a lot of attention. My broker hired me to coach the new agents and soon I was coaching for many other brokers. I loved sharing and supporting others in creating wild success. Helping others find their unique way of building their business while staying grounded and connected to their truth brought me so much joy! My intuition was engaged, my senses stimulated and I was loving the challenge.
But somewhere inside me I was longing for a deeper conversation. I was feeling a future pull – that thing inside of each of us that beckons to us, asking us to be more than our present experience of ourselves. I wanted to support people not just in business, but in life.
My intuition continued to expand and grow, allowing me to support that much larger conversation of success, life, and balance. My experience in those early days in real estate, my real-life results, grounded me in knowing that it’s ok to be your own first priority and that nothing matters more than my Joy. It allowed me to support others who want to do things differently to be successful, who want to also have a deep sense of worthiness about their success and do it in a way that honors what they need. We know we can’t be our best self, have fulfilling relationships and make a difference for others, if we are exhausted, depleted and frustrated. But knowing vs living it is an entirely different thing.
I truly believe you can have it all –you can have everything you want if you’re willing to give up everything you don’t want. For me it was giving up an idea that it had to be so painful, so constant to see real results. I had to give up the idea that I’d get really sick twice a year because that’s just how it works. Giving that up made space for vitality and aliveness to flourish.
I’ve worked with hundreds of others who wanted to know what it might open up if they gave up their ideas too. And I found with each of them, that like myself, when they gave up the painful, stressful ideas that they thought were creating their success, almost overnight, their income tripled, their business grew, their relationships flourished and they were loving their lives.
Are you ready to love your life? If so, message me!
To your success AND your Joy,